


Boss Fight

by soufflegirl91



Series: Souffle's Choose Your Own Adventure April [7]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, M/M, Souffle why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23714830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: James had thought this mission would be easy. He was wrong. Now, he's fighting a... thing... with only a sword and some bombs andwhy is everything BEEPING at him?!
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: Souffle's Choose Your Own Adventure April [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691788
Comments: 17
Kudos: 48
Collections: MI6 Cafe Collections





	Boss Fight

**Author's Note:**

> For CYOA April #12 - Casino Monarchy (write about characters going on an adventure). 
> 
> Thanks as always to christinefromsherwood for the beta work!

"Q, are you _sure_ I'm going the right way?"

"For the last time, James, _yes_ , I am bloody sure because I looked at the bloody map! That's why you picked up the compass, remember? To see where you need to go next. Watch out!" 

James slashed at the skeletal enemy with his sword until it disappeared in a puff of smoke. Collecting the blue diamond left behind, he carried on down the corridor, dodging the fireballs that seemed to be coming at him from the walls. This infiltration was turning out to be a lot more difficult than he had anticipated. 

"That door on the left should unlock now that you have the key. Give it a try."

James did as he was told and opened the door, revealing a staircase leading upwards. He ascended with trepidation. What new horrors would await him on the floor above? 

It had all seemed so _simple_ when Q described it. Find a few hideouts, neutralise the bad guys, rescue the kidnapped assets and go home to put his feet up. Things had started off easily enough, finding some necessary tech and gathering intel. All in a day’s work. But then had come the time to infiltrate the first target’s hideout. 

He had vastly underestimated just how much resistance there would be. 

_“Now, don’t get too cocky. This bastard has a lot of minions, and there’s a real sting in his tail,”_ Q had tried to warn him. 

Oh, how James wished he had listened. He hadn’t even found the guy yet and he was _exhausted._

Coming out onto the upper floor, James scanned the room. Everything seemed clear, and there was an open doorway to his right, so he stepped away from the door and - _wham!_

The door slammed shut behind him. The door to his right slammed shut, too. 

A group of purple and orange… _things_ appeared as if out of thin air. 

_“Seriously?!”_

“Well I did _warn_ you about the minions! You just have to fight your way out. You’re almost there, James.” 

James sighed, rueing the day he’d decided to go along with this _bullshit._ He readied his sword, steeled himself, and got slashing. 

For a few moments, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of fighting. 

“Right,” James huffed, trying to get his breath back. “They’re dead. What now?” 

“The doors should open…now!” As if on cue, both doors slid open smoothly. “Head through the door on the right. You might want to check the pots on the other side, your guy is just up ahead.” 

“What do I need from bloody pots,” muttered James as he stalked through the door. He ignored Q’s sigh as he walked straight past the pots lining the corridor. 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Q’s sing-song voice rang in his ears. 

Ignoring the cold trickle of dread running down his spine (they were just _pots!_ What did Q know?) James marched onwards. 

“Well, you’ve got to hand it to his interior decorator. Nothing says ‘dungeon’ like an ostentatious metal door.”

“A word of warning, before you open it. You’re going to need the bombs.” 

“And here I was thinking this was a punishment, when actually it’s Christmas. You _never_ let me use the bombs.” 

James readied the bombs and unlocked the door. As he had come to expect in this strange lair, it slammed shut behind him. 

He had _not_ expected the music. 

“Jesus _Christ,_ Q, does this guy have his own soundtrack?!” 

“Try to ignore it. It’s designed to make you anxious. Here he comes, get ready.” 

“Q, what the _fuck?!_ ”

“Go for the mask. Throw the bombs at him and run. Whatever you do, dodge the-”

“OUCH!”

“-tail,” 

James did his best to follow Q’s advice, but it seemed that no matter how many bombs he threw, his foe wasn’t going anywhere. What was worse, the bastard’s tail kept catching him when he tried to run away. 

Q had been right, it _did_ sting! 

“Why is everything _beeping_ at me?!” 

“Well if you had listened and checked the pots like I _told_ you, you might be doing a bit better! But _nooooo,_ James Bond, the great 007, doesn’t need any hearts or potions. And don’t even _think_ about collecting fairies! You brought this on yourself, I hope you know!” 

“Q is this really the time? This fuckwit’s tail just won’t leave me the fuck alone and I can’t - _SHIT!_ ”

_Wah wah wah wah waaaaah_

_GAME OVER_

James threw his controller angrily at the television as the screen went black. 

“I thought you said this game was easy?”

“It is,” Q shrugged, “if you listen to the person who knows how to play.” 

“It’s an _adventure game_ from the bloody 90s, Q! It shouldn’t be this hard! 

“Ha! Shows what you know! Games from the 90s were so much harder than ones made today. Now, come on. If you press continue, it will take Link back to the start of the boss battle. I think you might be able to do it this time.”

_Never again._

James would never again bet Q that he could beat his favourite childhood video game. 

_Torture_ was better than this. 

**Author's Note:**

> The game Bond is playing is The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. I fudged it a bit in terms of what is where, but that's what it's based on. (The boss is Helmasaur, in case you cared.)


End file.
